Eight Days, Sleepless Nights

Chapter 1 — The Manifest

TSS Okefenokee (Monolith-class) · Station Cotillion under tow · Terra Run C1
Memphis embarkation. Passengers aboard Cotillion: 500 — a full house.
Cargo aboard Okefenokee: as declared, and otherwise.
Outbound: sixty-eight jumps to home. First sail — eight days.

Ninety minutes into gravity and Mae Vance was already worried about the shrimp.

Not the spin — the spin could take care of itself. Somewhere, below her feet, the Cotillion's grav decks were turning at the stately quarter-rev that gave five hundred paying passengers something to stand on for the embarkation supper — a courtesy, a kindness — a bribe, really — one last night of down before the long weightless haul out to New Avalon and the fifteen jumps between here and there. In an hour, the stewards would strike the tables, float the deck, and the whole grand room would go from ballroom gravity to open freefall in the time it took to whistle. It had been done ten thousand times, because that was what the Cotillion was: a grand hotel that could be dining room, dance floor, or chapel depending on the hour and schedule, and was presently, for one more turn of the clock, pretending to be the sort of place where gravity was free and permanent and yours.

It wasn't the spin, it was the shrimp. The galley chief had just told her, with the particular calm of a man delivering bad news to someone he liked, that the Gulf shipment had missed the Memphis shuttle and what they had instead was farm-raised out of a tank on the orbital.

"Tank shrimp," Mae said.

"Tank shrimp," the galley chief agreed.

"For the embarkation supper. On the finest station in the Federated Suns. For twin simultaneous seatings of two hundred and fifty people who each paid enough to buy your mother a house."

"I am aware of the stakes, Ms. Vance."

Mae pressed two fingers to the bridge of her nose, a gesture inherited from her own mother, which meant give me a moment to be a professional about this. When she took the fingers away, she smiled, because that was the job. The whole job, really, distilled: take the thing that was wrong, put a smile on it, and hand it back to the world looking like that was the plan all along.

"Butter-poach them," she said. "Serve them warm over grits and call it a Memphis welcome. Nobody that paid that much will admit they can't tell Gulf from tank, because admitting it means admitting they're new. So lean into it. Homestyle. Rustic. Charge them extra emotionally."

The galley chief looked at her the way people had been looking at her since she arrived on the Oke — as though she had done something faintly miraculous and slightly criminal. "You're a wonder, Ms. Vance."

"I'm a purser, it's the same thing, with worse hours."

She turned to go, and the whole embarkation lounge turned with her as she did — the deck steward wanting a word about the Draconis widow in cabin nine who would not stop asking whether the ship was armed (the Okefenokee was; you didn't haul five hundred rich people through the ragged edges of the Periphery without teeth, and the Oke carried enough to make a pirate reconsider their career, but you did not tell the widow that, you told the widow she was perfectly safe and moved her attention to the wine list); the junior purser with the seating chart and its usual small war of precedence, two families who could not be within a dozen meters of one another for reasons dating to a wedding that had gone wrong on Robinson three generations back; a Periphery couple, glossy, loud, and delighted, the man in a coat that had cost more than it should and fit worse than it ought, wanting to know whether it was true you could see Terra from orbit with your own eyes — asking it the way a child asks — and Mae told them yes, you could, she'd point it out herself when they got there, and meant it, and watched them light up, and filed them under new money, coreward, harmless, will overtip.

That was the run — the whole glorious ridiculous freighted cargo of it. Half of first class was exactly that couple — Periphery money sailing coreward, eager to buy some polish, some respectability. Eager to collect a season's worth of stories to carry home about the year they toured the Inner Sphere and dined on Gulf shrimp (tank shrimp) under the turning lights of the Cotillion. The other half was the reverse current: old New Avalon names going out, toward Lyran space, because the border up there was thawing for the first time in living memory and there was suddenly money and marriage and trade to be had in a direction that had been nothing but a cold shoulder for two centuries. Coreward glamour going out; Periphery cash coming in; and the two streams passing each other across the Cotillion's dining deck every night of the loop, each convinced it was the interesting one.

And underneath all of it — down the transfer tube, through the collar, into the Okefenokee herself — the manifest ran to thirty-one pages. Page one: machine tools, Hesperus, insured at full replacement. Page four: one strongbox, personal effects, consignee Skye, do not X-ray. Page nine: four thousand tons of pharmaceuticals, cold chain mandatory, liability clause that named a figure with nine zeros. Page twenty-six: one TriStar Guard dropship, collar six, deadhead posting, reinforced company, hardware as declared — and, not declared, one company's worth of troopers who had found the crew bar within forty minutes of hard-dock and were currently making it everyone's problem.

Up top, champagne. Down below, cannon. That was TriStar entire, the whole company in one married pair of hulls: the smile and the teeth, and a ledger that knew to the C-bill what both were worth.

Mae loved it. God help her, she loved every loud gaudy freighted meter of it, and she had loved it right up until the moment Captain Roux put a hand on her elbow. In the service passage behind the lounge where the passengers couldn't see, four words ended the version of her life in which she was only worried about the shrimp.

"Walk with me, Mae."

§

Amabel Roux had mastered the Okefenokee for nineteen years and she wore it the way some women wore pearls — as though it had always been hers and always would be, as though the notion of it being otherwise was a joke told by someone who did not understand how the world worked. She was somewhere between a hard fifty and a youthful hundred and twenty, and there wasn't a member of the crew that would bet on either. She called everyone cher, and meant it as a threat about as often as she meant it as an endearment, and you never quite knew which until it was too late.

She walked Mae out of the spin — down the radial ladder toward the hub, where down thinned with every rung until it let go of them entirely and they were floating, the two of them, in the soft microgravity quiet of the station's core. The turning dining deck fell away below like a lit carousel seen from above, Roux catching a handhold with the offhand ease of fifty years aboard. Mae caught the next one. Out here past the borrowed gravity the Cotillion was what she truly was — a weightless hull with three grav decks of pretend weight turning in her belly, bolted to the front of a freighter — and Roux had brought her out here on purpose, because some conversations you did not have where there was a floor and several hundred passengers to overhear.

"You know we watch," Roux said.

"Captain?"

"The passengers. You know we keep a book on them." Roux said it the way you'd remark on the weather. "It's older than you, older than me. The company likes to know who rides its ships and why. Habit. A little bit paranoia." Roux shrugged, an eloquent movement in microgravity. "We are a firm that has had reason, more than once, to be careful about who was floating near the wrong door at the wrong moment." She did not say ComStar. Nobody aboard ever quite said it out loud; it was bad luck, like whistling in the sail rig, or wishing someone a safe crossing before the drive lit. You said the wrong door. You said careful. "Mostly it's nothing. Mostly it's a man cheating on his wife or a woman moving money she shouldn't, and we note it and we say nothing and we take their fare. You understand me."

"I understand you're about to tell me something that turns my supper service upside down. Sir."

Roux's mouth twitched. "There's a passenger this loop. Booked as Penn. Single cabin, boarding here, ticketed only as far as Skye and no further — which is a strange way to buy a pleasure loop, cher, to buy exactly enough of it to reach Lyran space and not one. jump. more." She drifted a slow quarter-turn to face Mae square. "Young. Traveling light. Traveling quiet. And New Avalon to the bone — the accent, the hands, the way he holds himself when he thinks no one's looking, old blood working very hard to be nobody. He's going out, toward the thawing border, in the same hull as a Guard company and a hold full of hardware pointed the same direction, and Memphis got nervous, and when Memphis gets nervous a word comes up the manifest and lands on me."

"And you're handing it to me."

"I'm handing it to my purser, because my purser is the one soul aboard who can sit at any table in that dining room and belong there, and remember every word said across it, and leave the table gladder than she found it. I don't need the boy followed. I need him seen. I need someone close enough to know whether he's what he looks like — a lovesick child running from his family, if you ask me; I've hauled a hundred of them — or the thing Memphis is afraid of, which he almost certainly is not. But almost is a word the company won't sleep on."

Mae was already nodding, already turning it, already thinking seating charts and which suppers and how you drifted close to a careful young man without spooking him. It was not so far from the work she did every day. She read people for a living. She could read one on purpose.

"That's fine," she said. "I don't even have to change much. I'll seat him near the good tables, I'll be attentive —"

"Oh, you'll do it. As a passenger."

Mae went still, one hand on the cold rail.

"You can't shadow a first-class passenger from behind the purser's desk, cher. The purser doesn't dine. The purser hovers. A boy that careful will clock a staff face inside a day and shut like a valve." Roux said it gently, and the gentleness was the warning, because Roux was only ever gentle right before she became immovable. "So for this loop you are not staff. You're a guest. First class, the whole grand tour, Memphis to home, on the company's book. A cabin on the concierge deck, a name that isn't yours, and a story about where the money came from." A beat. "And a husband."

The word hung there in the floating quiet and did not go away.

"A what?!"

"A married couple takes a cabin? No one thinks twice. A married couple can be new money out of the Periphery, going coreward to see the sights — half your dining seating is that exact couple; you told me so yourself; it's the easiest face in the Sphere to wear. But a woman traveling first class alone — beautiful, watching everyone?" Roux spread one hand, the other still anchoring her to the rail. "That's a woman people watch back. A wife on the arm of some tin-eared new-money husband, laughing a shade too loud, tipping a shade too much — nobody looks at her twice. She's furniture, cher. Expensive furniture. She goes anywhere, talks to anyone, and furniture hears everything."

It was, Mae thought, with the helpless professional respect of a craftsman recognizing better work than her own, a very good plan. It was exactly how she'd have hidden someone, if she'd ever been asked to hide someone. The cover was so obvious it disappeared.

Which left the one detail.

"And exactly who," Mae said, with the calm of a woman butter-poaching the shrimp, "is my husband?"

Below them, from the direction of the hub lock — from the transfer tube that ran down the station's spine and across collar one to the Oke herself — came the particular sound of a big man arriving from freefall into the edge of the spin and not enjoying it: a grab, a grunt, the clang of a boot finding weight it certainly hadn't asked for.

And there, hauling himself up into the thin false gravity of the lower deck with the grim deliberation of a toddler walking back from recess, was Zachary Sorley.

§

She knew him the way you know someone you never see.

He was the Oke's supercargo. He lived down the spine, out past where the carpet stopped and the deckplate started, in the long weightless holds where the real cargo rode. In six years aboard the same married pair of hulls they had exchanged perhaps forty words, most of them concerning a shipment of orchids that had died in transit. Whose fault that had been remained open (his, technically; the climate log said otherwise.) He was a spacer, at a glance the moment he hit the gravity, you could see the way the weight sat wrong on him. A man built long and rangy by a lifetime with no floor, he moved like an unstrung bow the instant the deck pulled him down. Tall, longer, really, rather than tall. Careful hands wrapped white-knuckled around the rail. He looked at the deck under his boots the way you'd look at a dog you weren't sure of, and he looked at Captain Roux the way as a man awaiting the reading of his sentence.

"No,"

"Zachary..."

"Captain. With respect. No." He didn't look at Mae. His grip on the rail had gone white-knuckled, from something other than gravity. "I run the hold. I have four thousand tons of pharmaceuticals with a temperature clause and a Guard Company on six with a lieutenant that has already tried to renegotiate her berth twice, and I have a manifest that does not balance until I find where somebody stowed nine crates of ceremonial glassware that are on no deck they belong to." He stopped, drawing a breath that looked like it cost him. "And I don't perform. I don't pretend. I move cargo and keep my head down and I don't —" He shook his head — flaring one arm to the side to counteract the torque. "Find someone who wants the shrimp and grits. Find someone who likes the passengers. I don't even go up to the passenger decks, you know that, you know why I —" He caught himself. "No."

"You're cleared for the sensitive cargo," Roux coerced. "You're one of four souls aboard who is, and the other three have faces the passengers know. And you read as precisely what we need: a man who made his money moving things and never learned which fork to grab. You'll be believed, cher, because you'll barely have to lie."

"I don't —" Zachary started.

"I know what you don't do." Roux's voice went quieter, not softer. "You don't lie, you don't perform, you don't pretend to be what you're not." She held his gaze. "So don't pretend. Be exactly what you are. A man who'd rather be in the black than anywhere else. A man who doesn't know what to do with gravity or small talk or a wife he didn't choose." She let it settle. "Do it because I'm asking? And because when this loop is done you'll have a commendation in your file and the company owing you a debt for once — and you are a man who understands the value of that."

"I understand the value of being left alone,"

"Yes," Roux agreed. "You do. Which is why you understand what happens to that value if you refuse."

Sorley's jaw worked. For a long moment he said nothing, and Mae saw him doing the math — the cost of yes against the cost of no. What it would take from him to play this part, weighed against what Roux could take if he refused. He looked at Mae for the first time — really looked, the flat assessing sweep of a man reading a bill of lading, checking her against some manifest in his head and plainly finding the count off.

"Vance."

"Sorley."

"The orchids were the climate log's fault."

"The orchids," Mae said sweetly, "were dead on arrival and signed for by you, but I'm delighted to hear we'll have eight days a jump for the next two years to relitigate it."

Something moved at the corner of his mouth that was not quite a smile, and that he killed before it could finish. He turned back to Roux. "She goes down the wells," he said. Not a question — he'd already run the logistics, the way she'd already run the seating; he was a man who ran logistics. "The tour goes dirtside. New Avalon, Solaris, the surface of every port. I don't...I can't, Captain, you know I can't! I've not had a full g under me since —" He stopped. His throat moved. "I can't go down there. I can't pretend to be some Periphery trader with a wife on his arm while she — while you —" His hands flashed Halt, too upset to use the headshake most planetbound were used to.

"I don't know how to be that man. I don't know how to be looked at. I move cargo. I'm invisible. That's... the whole point of me."

"Mr. Ashford is a spacer," Roux said smoothly, "thus, he doesn't do dirt. It's a common enough thing among men who made their fortune in the black. His wife tours the worlds; her husband keeps to the ship; nobody blinks. It helps the cover, cher. It's the most natural thing about you." "And if I can't do it? If I go up there and I freeze, or I say the wrong thing, or —" "Then you'll improvise." Roux was already turning to go, the matter closed the way Roux closed matters, by ceasing to discuss them. "One cabin. On the concierge deck. I'll have the papers to you both by first sail."

Sorley's ears, Mae noted, with the first flicker of what would become a long and dangerous joy, had gone red. A tall grim immovable spacer with four thousand tons of temperature-clause pharmaceuticals on his mind, and his ears gave him away like a boy's.

"One cabin," he said, to the air, having clearly just arrived somewhere she'd arrived a minute ago. He looked at his hand on the rail, the white-knuckled grip loosening slowly, like a man letting go of something he'd been holding onto for a long time. "We sleep in the same —

"We sleep the way everyone sleeps, Mr. Sorley," Mae said, because someone had to, and because she had just watched the worst day of his year become, quietly, the best day of hers. "Weightless. Two tethers, a hand's-width apart, and no floor to keep either of us on our own side of the dark. Don't worry. I'm told I hardly drift at all."

"It's Zachary," he said — to no one, to the room, to the turning deck, a reflex, the first of a thousand. "Not — people call me — it's Zachary."

"Of course it is," said Mae Vance, and put out her hand across the little arc of false gravity between them — across the six years and the forty words and the dead orchids and the whole absurd freighted length of the run still ahead. "Mrs. Ashford, I believe. Pleased to meet you, husband."

He looked at her hand like cargo he hadn't inspected.

Because he was fundamentally, hopelessly honest, and an honest man does not leave a hand hanging in the air, he took it. His swallowed hers, long fingers and careful grip, the deliberate gentleness of someone very strong being gentle on purpose, someone who had spent his life around things that broke.

Eight days out from a jump he did not yet dread, Zachary Sorley shook his fake wife's hand and sealed the worst idea either of them had ever agreed to.

Down on collar six the Guard lieutenant was still trying to renegotiate her berth. Up in cabin nine the Draconis widow wanted to know whether the ship was armed. And somewhere on the concierge deck a young man named Penn with a different name on his dinner reservation floated alone, with a single ticket that ran out at Skye and a secret he believed he was carrying quietly, unaware that the most watchful woman on the Cotillion had, that very hour, been married for the purpose of watching him.

Above them, the dinner bell chimed through the spin. Below, in the galley, the shrimp went into the butter and smelled — Mae had to admit it — absolutely wonderful.

Chapter 2 — Space Legs

Terra Run C1 · outbound leg · jumps one through fourteen · Morven to Augusta
Days under sail: fifty-one and counting. Grav slots, cabin Ashford: as scheduled.
Cabin Ashford, night one — two tethers, one body's-width, no floor.

The trouble with the dark, Zachary Sorley had decided by the end of the first night, was that dirtsiders were used to a floor that stayed put underneath you. They could lie in a bed with their back to a person and call it privacy. In the honest weightless black they didn't like the sleep cubbies, and so they just floated, unmoored and unsecured. A body's-width off his shoulder, tethered to the same wall by a strap the regs said had to be there and which he was beginning to regard as a personal enemy, Mae reminded him with every breath that for all her time aboard that she didn't live in the black.

He wasn't asleep. He hadn't been asleep in hours. That wasn't, in itself, unusual. A supercargo the first days out of port slept the way a new father slept, in ten-minute increments between disasters — but tonight the disaster he kept surfacing to check on wasn't the temperature on the pharmaceuticals. It was Mae Vance. She breathed slowly when she slept, drifting when she breathed, the long slow tidal drift of her relaxed body over the course of an hour had come by centimeter by centimeter closer. Close enough that a loose curl of her hair had come free of its tie, reaching across the dark between them with the mindless patience of a creeping floatvine, and had, at some point he could not name, arrived against his jaw.

He held very still. He was extremely good at holding very still; it was three-quarters of his job, keeping catastrophically valuable things from shifting. He held still for a strand of a woman's hair as though it were a crate of unsecured ordnance, and thought, with the clean despair of an honest man in an impossible situation, this is going to be the longest two years of my life. He was right, although he'd have signed an affidavit denying it, not entirely sorry.

"You're awake," Mae murmured, not moving, not opening her eyes. "You breathe different when you're awake. You've been thinking so loud you kept me up."

"I don't think loud."

"You think like cargo shifting. There's a creak to it." She cracked one eye. In the low emergency amber of the sleep-cycle lighting she looked younger and less armored than she did up on the decks, the professional warmth switched off, something plainer and more tired underneath. "Go to sleep, Zachary. New Avalon's fourteen jumps out. You cannot lie awake vibrating for fifty days, you'll die and then I'll have to explain to Roux why I'm a widow before Augusta."

"My hold doesn't balance."

"I know. You said. Nine crates of ceremonial glassware, gone like the morning dew." She said it gently, mocking, but gently. "Is it always like this? The first week?"

"Yes." He hadn't meant to say more.

He said more. He always did, even when he knew better, the very reason Roux had been able to trap him here in this very cabin. "You load a Monolith at a hub, you've got forty shippers all swearing their manifest is gospel, and every one of them's lying by a crate or two or forty, buried somewhere in seventy-four thousand tons — and it doesn't come out true until you've lived with it a week and felt where it's wrong. You can't see it. You feel it. Seventy-four thousand tons rides a hair off, and you chase the off until you find the lie." He was quiet a moment. Her hair still lay against his jaw. He did not move it. "It'll balance by Morven. It always balances. Just… not yet."

"Huh," Mae grunted, and there was something new in it, not the professional warmth or mockery either, a genuine small surprise, as though she'd opened a crate expecting glassware and found something she couldn't price. "You love it."

"I don't —"

"You do. You just said 'chase the lie' like it was a sunset." She closed her eye again, but she was smiling now, he could hear the smile. "Go to sleep, husband. You'll feel where it's wrong in the morning."

And the maddening thing — the thing he lay awake another hour turning over like a manifest that wouldn't true out — was that she'd reached up, without a word, without making anything of it, and tucked the loose curl of her hair back behind her ear and out of his face, so that he could sleep.

She hadn't done it for herself. She'd done it for him. Furniture, Roux had called her. Expensive furniture that heard everything.

Furniture didn't do that.

§

By Cogdell — three jumps out, three eight-day sails strung together like beads, twenty-four days of the same fifty faces — Mae had the shape of it.

The shape of it was two ships. Not the Okefenokee and the Cotillion; those were only hulls. The two ships were his and hers, and they were bolted together at the hub and could not have been further apart.

Hers was the grav decks: the spun-up watches, the suppers and the salon hours, the long social daylight of first class where five hundred rich and bored people performed leisure at each other. Mae moved among them as Mrs. Ashford — laughing a shade too loud, tipping a shade too much, new money and no shame, exactly as designed. She was very good at it, used to putting on a persona like a uniform. And she watched, the way she'd been sent to watch, and found almost nothing.

Mostly. There was the boy.

Penn took the early grav slot for his meals, the quiet seven-o'clock watch when the serious eaters and the gravsick newcomers came while the room was thin. He ate alone, well, and fast, a young man in good plain clothes trying to be plainer than he was and failing at the wrists. The cuffs were wrong, too fine, a valet's choices on a runaway's budget. He read at the table. It wasn't the decorative reading of the leisure class, a prop and a posture, but the fast, private, reading of someone who needed to be somewhere else entirely. And twice now Mae had watched him go still and careful when the conversation at the next table turned, as it endlessly did this loop, to the thawing Lyran border and the marriages being brokered, the trade opening, some viscountess's daughter promised to some Steiner cousin to seal a deal in steel. Penn went still the way you went still when a conversation walked too near your own secret. She knew that stillness. She performed its opposite for a living.

Lovesick child running from his family, Roux had said. Mae was beginning to think Roux was right, and that the only thing Memphis had to fear from the boy was a broken heart, most likely his own. But beginning to think was not knew, and so she watched, and seated herself one table over, and was patient, and was, in the meantime, married.

His ship was the black below the carpet: the long holds where the cargo rode weightless in its cradles, the transfer spine, the crew mess, the engine spaces where a chief named Gator kept the Oke's ancient heart beating and had laughed so hard he'd had to hold a stanchion on being introduced to the concept of the Ashfords. Mae didn't go there often. She was not, she had discovered to her considerable annoyance, good there.

This was a novel and unwelcome sensation. Mae Vance was good everywhere. She was at home on every deck she'd ever stood on. But the first time she'd gone down the spine to the holds to find her husband — there was a thing the cover needed, a story to get straight before New Avalon — she had pushed off a handhold the way she pushed off every handhold, competently, a purser's brisk competent shove, and had sailed the length of a forty-meter hold entirely sideways, rotating with slow majestic idiocy, and fetched up against a cargo net with all the grace of a dropped coat. She hung, upside down, in front of God, three Guardsmen, and her husband.

Who hadn't laughed.

That was the thing she kept, afterward, turning over. Zachary Sorley, who had every reason in the void to laugh — who owed her a laugh, after the shrimp and the orchids and pleased to meet you, husband — had crossed forty meters of hold to get to her, and he had crossed it the way she was only now, hanging there upside down and stupid, in a position to appreciate.

He flew.

She had never seen anything like it and she had spent her whole life on ships. He didn't push and drift and correct the way she did, the way passengers did, the way anyone with a planet in their past did. He read the whole hold at once — every net and stanchion and cradle, the geometry of the entire volume — and he poured himself through it, one long unhurried line, barely touching a handhold here to steer, adjusting a course he'd plotted before he left the far wall, arriving at her without haste but inevitably, and put out one of those long careful hands and stopped her rotation with a touch so precisely judged that she simply stopped. Level. Right-side up. Steady.

"You lead with your hips," he said. Not unkind. Diagnostic. "Everybody planet-born does. You throw your weight because you grew up somewhere that had weight to throw. Out here you're just mass. You can only go where you're pointed." He was still holding her, one hand at her shoulder, keeping her level in the dark, and he seemed to have no idea that this was a remarkable thing to be, a woman held level in the black by a man who flew like water. "Point first. Then go. The going's the easy part."

"Point first," Mae repeated.

"Point first."

And Mae Vance, who read people for a living, never in her professional life having been caught off her mark, looked at the plain honest length of him hanging there luminous and easy, and felt the floor she didn't have drop out from under her anyway.

Oh. Oh… that's a problem.

§

The problem got worse before New Avalon, in the stupidest possible way, and its name was couple time.

Zachary had assumed, insofar as he had let himself think about it at all, which was as little as a man could manage while sharing four cubic meters of dark with a woman whose hair kept finding his face, that the grav slot booking was a formality they'd quietly never use. The cover required a married couple. Married couples booked couple time. So the name Ashford went onto the couple-time roster the way it went onto the passenger manifest and the seating chart. Just a checkmark, a fiction. He had not thought past the checkmark. He was a man who ran logistics, and he had, catastrophically, failed to run these.

Because on the ninth day out of Symsonia, Mae Vance turned to him over the breakfast bulbs and said, "We're booked for the two o'clock watch," "The what?" "Couple time. Deck three. I need it," in a tone that closed the subject, and Zachary spent the next six hours in a state of quiet structural panic that Gator, watching him miscount the same crate four times, finally diagnosed aloud as "either those damn drugs or the wife, and Zac, my heart, it ain't the drugs."

"Don't call me Zac."

"The wife," said Gator, delighted, to the whole engine room.

It was, of course, nothing like what six hours of structural panic had prepared him for.

Grav deck three, at the two o'clock watch, was bare except for cargo webbing lashed to the bulkheads, spinning the modest quarter-gee they gave the exercise slots. It smelled of every anxious passenger who'd ever tried to keep their bones from becoming sponges on a two-year loop, or perhaps their failure in doing so. Mae came in, nodded at him once, stripped down to a worn grey singlet and shorts that were clearly older than the marriage, and clipping her hair up, set a timer. Before Zachary could process the need for a timer, she proceeded, with a cold ferocity that emptied his head of every coherent thought, to try and kill herself.

There really was no other word for it. She ran the webbing like a boarding drill. Throwing herself up and down the low-gee deck until the sweat came, and then past the sweat, intervals with a stopwatch and a look on her face he had never once seen her wear up on the decks. There was no warmth, no performance, no Mrs. Ashford, nothing for anyone else, teeth bared, going somewhere private and brutal inside the effort where he could not follow and was not invited.

"My gym slots," she gasped, at the top of a set, catching him staring. "The cover… eats them. All of them. Can't… be Mrs. Ashford… and keep my grav hours." Down, up, down. "Go soft on a loop this long… I'll be a passenger for real by Skye… can't walk off… my own ship." Down, up. "So this is what… couple time is. For us. You sit there. Look married." A savage grin, half a second of the real her, gone. "Recover."

And Zachary — heavy, sick with the spin, folded into a corner of the webbing with his stomach staging a mutiny and his long body hating every gram of the quarter-gee — sat there. And practiced looking married. Watching his fake wife wage a private, brutal war on the softening of her own bones, because the price of hiding a lovesick boy was that a woman who lived for the worlds couldn't keep her legs under her for them.

He didn't say anything for a long time. That, too, was three-quarters of his job. And, he was learning, of his new job as husband.

"You'll want more salt," he said finally, when the timer chimed. As she hung gasping in the webbing, wrecked and steaming and distractingly luminous, her hair down, face scoured clean of every professional thing she wore, she was the most honest he had ever seen her. "After. Spacers lose it faster than you'd think in the slots. Gator keeps tablets. I'll bring some next time."

Mae looked at him while sweat pooled in the light gravity under her eyes, chest heaving, the timer still echoing. Something crossed her face that he would spend the next three jumps failing to name.

"Zachary Sorley," she said, when she had breath, "did you just flirt with me by offering electrolytes?"

"No," he said, with dignity, as his ears went red.

It was a full and complete confession.

The trouble came at the hub.

They left the slot together, as required. Their cover required arrivals and departures in pairs. As they drifted up out of the spin into the weightless hub crossing there, of course, because the universe kept a betting pool, were three of Lieutenant Marchetti's Guardsmen.

Hanging around the crew-mess hatch with coffee bulbs and nothing to do, they took one long look at Mrs. Ashford coming off the couple-time roster.

Coming off it flushed. Coming off it soaked, singlet dark with sweat, hair wild and half-down, breathing hard, wrung out and glowing and unable to stop the shaky adrenaline grin that follows a body ruining itself on purpose.

Coming off it, in short, looking exactly, precisely, unmistakably like a woman who had just spent two hours being thoroughly and enthusiastically loved by her husband.

Zachary watched the conclusion arrive on all three faces at the same instant, like a jump flash. He watched one trooper's eyebrows climb toward the overhead. He watched the youngest one flash red and become extremely interested in his coffee. He watched Corporal Deng — he'd learn her name was Deng — turn to her neighbor and mouth, with the reverence of the truly impressed, the quiet ones.

"Ma'am," said the raised eyebrows with enormous courtesy, "Mr. Ashford."

"Sergeant," said Mae, without so much as a flicker, radiant and unbothered, sailed through the hub like a queen through a rose garden. It was not until they were three frames down the spine and safely alone that she caught a handhold, stopped, put both hands over her face, and began to laugh — helplessly, silently, her whole sweat-soaked body shaking with it, the most undignified and least performed thing he had ever seen her do.

"Electrolytes," she wheezed, through her fingers. "They think… and you offered me… oh, we are the worst spies…"

And Zachary, hanging in the dark of the spine, stomach finally settling and his fake wife coming apart with laughter a body's-width away, felt the thing he'd been dreading since Roux said walk with me finally, quietly, arrive.

He was going to like this. He was going to like her. All the way to Skye and all the long way home, sixty-eight jumps of it, married for a lie in the one configuration of the universe where he could never once follow her down to solid ground…

He was going to like her, and it was going to cost him everything, and he found, floating there, watching her laugh, that he could not for the life of him make himself mind.

"The worst spies," he agreed gravely. "Genuinely the worst. Roux should have her head examined."

Which set her off again. And this time, he didn't hold still for it at all. He laughed too, with her.

Ahead of them, eleven jumps out, New Avalon glowed in the black. Waiting for its travelers, waiting to test a marriage that had, without either party filing the paperwork, started quietly to become something more than an act.

Chapter 3 — The Season's Ball

Terra Run C1 · New Avalon · jump fifteen · the hub of the Federated Suns
Embarking: forty-one souls of the first rank, outbound for Lyran space.
This night the Cotillion beats to quarters — full gravity, the Season's Ball.

You could always tell New Avalon by the way the manifest changed its accent.

Mae stood at the embarkation rail and watched the Federated Suns come aboard — not the loud glossy Periphery money that had filled the Cotillion out of Memphis, but the reverse tide, forty-one souls of the first rank drifting up the transfer tube with valets and hatboxes and the particular unhurried arrogance of people who had never once in their lives worried about a berth. Old New Avalon. Court blood. And every last one of them outbound, out, toward the Lyran border, toward the thaw, because the smart money in the capital had read the same tea leaves the Prince had. Was his marriage any more real than hers? She snorted. Either way, the future was some arrangement with House Steiner, and you didn't want to arrive late to a future.

Trade, Mae thought. Always trade. Even the bloodlines were cargo now, to be spent on a marriage or a merger somewhere in the cold clean cities of the Commonwealth. She filed the whole embarking rank the way she filed everyone, court, cargo, dangerous, and felt, under the professional calm, the first real flutter of worry.

Because these weren't the widow in cabin nine. These were people who had spent decades learning to spot a fake at a glance, and tonight the Cotillion was going to strike her dining deck and beat to quarters for the Season's Ball. Mr. and Mrs. Ashford — new money, no polish, married eleven days and lying about all of it — were going to walk into a full-gravity ballroom packed with the sharpest eyes in the Inner Sphere and be looked at.

Below her the reconfiguration had already begun, as always a thing worth watching. The grav decks did not have rooms; they had purpose, changing them the way a ship of the line changed from cruising to killing — all hands, fast, and total. The stewards struck the dining deck in eleven minutes flat: tables broken down and struck to the deckhead lockers, the serving stations folded away, the long curve of the room stripped to its bones and dressed, deck to overhead, as a ballroom. Sprung flooring rolled out over the deckplate, the chandelier rig lowered and lit, the musicians' gallery swung down from where it had ridden all day disguised in the bulkhead. Finally, the grand gesture, the payoff: the deck spun up. Past the gentle quarter-gee of a working watch, past the comfortable half of a supper, all the way up to a full standard gravity — real weight, Terra weight, the way they'd danced it a thousand years ago on the world they were all steaming toward but none of them would touch.

It was magnificent. It was the single most punishing thing the Cotillion could do to a spacer, and Mae was about to ask her husband to withstand four hours in a formal collar and lie to a countess.

She found him at the hub, where the spin let go, hanging in the weightless quiet in a dress coat that fit him better than the Memphis one and looked, on him, like a saddle on a heron. He stared down into the turning bright of the ballroom, fear and uncertainty warring for dominance.

"Full gravity," he said, without turning. "They spun it to full."

"They always do, for the Ball. It's the whole point. A night of real weight." She came and hung beside him. "Zachary. Look at me."

He looked at her. His jaw was set, and under the set of it she could see the thing he was not saying, which was that four hours at a full gee was not, for him, a discomfort. It meant the long, slow, crushing of a body that had never been built to carry itself, and he was going to do it anyway, without complaint. Not just because Roux had asked, more because Zachary Sorley did not know how to do a thing by halves, nor how to refuse a thing that needed doing.

"You don't have to dance," she said, more gently than she'd started to. "Nobody expects the husband to dance. You stand at the edge, you hold a glass, you let me work the room, and if anyone talks to you, you…"

"I know," he said. "I say as little as possible and I don't lie unless I have to."

"You smile."

"That's the part I can't promise." And there it was — the corner of his mouth, the thing he kept killing, allowed for one half-second to live. "I'll get us through the night, Mae. I feel wrong every second I'm down there. But I've felt wrong in worse places for worse reasons. This one's got you in it." He said it plainly, the way he said the temperature clause, the way he said the orchids were the climate log's fault, a flat statement of inventory — this one's got you in it — and drifted past her toward the ladder down into the weight, and did not see her have to catch the rail.

Furniture, Roux had said.

Furniture, Mae thought, did not say things like that and then walk into a full gee as though it were nothing.

§

The countess found them within the hour, because of course she did.

Zachary had been managing. This was the word he used to himself, gripping a glass of something he wasn't drinking, planted at the edge of the sprung floor like a stanchion someone had dressed for a funeral: managing. The weight sat on him like a second man riding his shoulders. His feet hurt. His spine hurt. His inner ear, which had spent forty years being right about everything, kept insisting the room was subtly falling and would like him to do something about it. He held still, three-quarters of the job done, watching his wife work.

And she worked. That was the thing he could have watched all night, weight be damned. Mae moved through the ranked and glittering room the way he moved through a hold — reading the whole volume at once, pouring herself along a line she'd plotted before she left the wall, touching a shoulder here, a laugh there, never a shove, always a steer. She made a viscount feel witty. She made a shipping heiress feel seen. She turned new money, no polish from a liability into a charm, playing the Ashfords' vulgar fortune like a hand of cards she was delighted to be dealt, and the court blood ate it up, because the one thing sixty years of drawing rooms leaves you starving for is someone who tells the truth.

Which was the exact moment the Dowager Countess of Deneb decided to find out whether anyone was.

She arrived on them as a small, upright, ancient, diamond-hard cyclone, with eyes that had been appraising bloodlines and horseflesh and liars since before Zachary's grandmother shipped out. Planting herself in front of the Ashfords, looking up the considerable length of Zachary with frank and total assessment.

"You are not a dancing man."

"No, ma'am."

"Ashford. The name means nothing to me, which means it means nothing." She said it without cruelty, as a surveyor reads an elevation. "Periphery. Volatiles, is it, or the machine trade? Your wife wears real stones and no house behind them, which is the newest money there is." Beside him he felt Mae gather herself to charm, to deflect, to pour them both along a safer line — and he watched the Countess's sharp old eyes flick to that gathering and know it for what it was, the practiced grace of a woman whose whole self was a performance, and he understood, with the slow cold certainty of a hold riding wrong, that charm was the one thing in the universe that would not save them here. This woman had been drowned in charm for eighty years. She was fishing for it. It was the tell she was hunting.

So Zachary Sorley did the only thing he knew how to do, which was to stop trying to be anything.

"Machine trade, ma'am," he said. "Cargo, mostly. I move other people's things for a percentage. My wife's stones are real because I bought them that way, and there's no house behind them because my people are ship people, we don't run to houses, we run to hulls." The weight ground down on him and he let it, let it make his voice as flat and tired and true as it wanted to be. "I'm no dancing man and this collar is choking me and I've felt more at home in a decompression drill than I do in this room. But my wife wanted to see the Ball.

My wife gets what she wants, so here I am, being looked at by a countess and telling her the truth because I never learned how to do the other thing well enough to try it on someone like you."

There was a silence.

It was, Zachary thought grimly, the silence before you were put off the ship.

Then the Dowager Countess of Deneb threw back her small ancient head and laughed, a great unlovely delighted bark of a laugh, the laugh of a woman who had not heard a true sentence at a party since the Star League fell — and rapped him on the chest with her fan.

"Finally," she said. "Do you know how long I have been aboard this gilded barge? Since Memphis, young man, and you are the first who hasn't tried to sell me something." She tucked her hand into the crook of his arm, annexing him as neatly as provinces in her younger years. "Fetch me a chair and a real drink, stand next to me being honest for half an hour, and your clever wife may go and work the room without you underfoot. Everyone will assume the worst about why the new-money husband is monopolizing the wickedest widow at the Ball, and nobody," she finished, with enormous satisfaction, "will look at either of you too closely again all night."

"That is what you want, isn't it? Not to be looked at closely." Her eyes, when they came up to his, were not fooled about a single thing. "It usually is, with the honest ones. They've the most to hide."

Over her head, Zachary caught Mae's eye across three meters of ballroom.

How, her face said, delighted, incredulous, did you just do that.

He hadn't the faintest idea. He shrugged, remembering the dirtside gesture before his hands flew up, a heron in a saddle with a countess on his arm, as Mae Vance put her hand over her mouth to keep the laugh in. Something in Zachary's crushed and aching chest lifted, hanging weightless in the middle of the punishing gravity.

§

It should have been the high point of the night. Mae, freed to work, wanted only to stand in a corner and watch her impossible husband be adopted by the most dangerous woman in the room. But she was still, under the wine and the triumph, the company's eyes — so even glowing, even undone, she was watching the room when the room turned dangerous.

Penn had come to the Ball.

She hadn't expected it. He kept to the seven-o'clock spin, the thin quiet hours; a full-gravity crush of forty court families was the last place a boy hiding from exactly those families should be. But there he was at the edge of the floor in his slightly-too-fine cuffs, white-knuckled and luminous, and Mae understood in one professional glance why he'd risked it. She was aboard now. Somewhere in that embarking rank of court blood was the reason his heart was on his sleeve. A face he'd crossed fifteen jumps to be near, to catch sight of, simply to breathe the same canned air as. The boy had not been able to stay away, because he was nineteen, in love, and those two facts have ended more lives than the Succession Wars.

And the Dowager Countess of Deneb, confidant of every family on New Avalon for the last sixty years, who forgot nothing, stood dining on honest sentences by Mae's own husband not five meters from where the boy stood. She turned her diamond-hard old head idly, scanning the room, as her gaze snagged on Penn's face and stopped.

Mae watched recognition begin to surface in those ancient eyes like a jump wave resolving. She watched the Countess's lips part on the shape of a name that if spoken aloud would end his run no matter where the Oke jumped next —

Mae did not decide to move. She was simply, suddenly, moving, pointed, then gone.

"Countess!" She arrived in a bright rustle of skirts, squarely between the old woman's gaze and Penn, seizing both the Countess's hands, radiant, effusive, loud. "You cannot keep him. I've come to ransom my husband. You've had the only honest man on the ship for a full half-hour! It's selfish, and I just won't have it, and besides —" she pitched it just so, conspirator to conspirator, the oldest currency there was — "the whole room is talking, and a lady of your reputation can't be seen doing anything so dull as behaving. Come. Tell me who everyone is and which of them you've ruined."

And the Dowager Countess of Deneb — who missed nothing, who had felt the boy at the edge of her vision and the purser's body thrown deliberately across her sightline, let herself be turned. Steered. She allowed Mae to draw her three steps around, away from Penn, toward the safer glitter of the floor. Turning, she cut Mae one single, ancient, knowing look, that said as plainly as speech: I know exactly what you just did and precisely why. She let one papery eyelid drop in something that was almost, but was too grand ever to be called, a wink.

He's not the only one who was young once, the look said. Mind you get him where he's going.

Arm in arm with Mae, being wicked about a marquis, and behind them a boy named Penn went, white and shaking, toward the hub and the thin safe dark. Ignorant, he was, in the last few moments that two women three times his age had between them looked at his doomed romantic heart and decided, without a word, to let him keep it a while longer.

Mae would think about that later. She was collecting 'things to think about later' at a rate that was starting to alarm her.

§

They spun the deck down at midnight — not to nothing, not all at once; you eased a full gee off gently, or you put a ballroom's worth of aristocrats on the deckplate. But the weight bled away by slow degrees over the last waltz, and the musicians, knowing the score, shaped the night's final melody to fall with the gravity. The last dance of the Season's Ball was famous for it: a waltz that grew lighter as it played, until the dancers were barely touching the floor.

Mae came and found Zachary at the edge, freed at last of his countess, gray and swaying with four hours of borrowed weight.

"One dance."

"Mae…"

"It's already going light. Feel it? They're spinning us down. By the last bar you'll be at a quarter-gee and by the very end you'll be flying, I promise, just… trust me for two minutes? The way I trusted you in the hold."

She held out her hand, the way he had held out his, that first hour, forty meters of hold away. "Point first. Then go."

And because he was fundamentally, hopelessly honest, and an honest man does not leave a hand hanging in the air, he took it.

He was terrible. Heavy and stiff and a half-beat behind, treading on her once and apologizing like a man confessing a crime, and Mae only laughed and drew him in and led. Because that was the truth of it, the mirror of the hold turned end for end: here in the shrinking weight, she was the water and he the stranger. She poured him along a line she'd plotted, steered him with a touch at the shoulder, a pressure at the hand, showed his lifelong-weightless body what to do with a floor by simply refusing to let it fall. Gravity bled away as they turned. Somewhere in the third minute, as the deck spun down past a quarter-gee and the glittering room went dreamlike and light, Zachary stopped fighting the weight, stopped fighting the steps, and stopped, entirely, fighting.

He looked down at her. She looked up at him. The floor let go of them by grams.

Their cover was forgotten. It hit Mae like decompression, cold and total, far too late to seal: some fraction of a degree in the way he was holding her had stopped being Mr. Ashford holding Mrs. Ashford for the benefit of a watching room, and become only Zachary, holding Mae, in a light that was going out of the world by design. Honest face open all the way for once, with no countess to perform truth at, no manifest to balance — nothing, nothing at all, between what he felt and what showed.

Oh no. Oh no no no. That was real.

The last bar fell. The gravity, vanished, let them go, and for one held breath the entire ballroom hung weightless and slowing and full of light. Silks and satins suspended a centimeter off the floor, winding down to stillness between the stars, Zachary and Mae hung among them. Not touching the floor, barely touching each other, having between them, silently, at last, and eleven days too early, told the truth.

Then the lights came up. The room laughed and applauded the trick of it the way they did every loop. And Mr. and Mrs. Ashford let go of each other's hands with matching, careful, catastrophic slowness, and did not, for the rest of the long weightless drift back to the cabin, manage to say a single word.

Chapter 4 — Under Sail

Terra Run C1 · outbound from New Avalon · the Addicks corridor ahead
Under sail. Drive recharging, day three of eight. Next jump, Ipava.
Off-watch, ship's business: Chief Iyer's table, twenty-hundred. Ante as agreed.

The recharge began the way it always did, with the whole ship going quiet and weightless and strange.

They had jumped out from New Avalon a little after dawn. Breath in, the stars were one pattern, breathe out, they were another. The Okefenokee hung at the cold edge of Ipava with her sail unrolling behind her a kilometer and a half wide, a field of black silk drinking down starlight. Eight days with no cargo to offload or passengers to embark, just a Dropship leaving the spine and the long, slow trickle pf photons to fill the days.

Mae had done a hundred recharges. Nobody aboard was better at filling empty time. What she did not know, this particular morning, was how to share four cubic meters of cabin with a man she had accidentally told the truth to, three nights ago, in front of five hundred people.

They had not discussed it. This, so far, was working beautifully.

She thought she was good at not discussing things. It turned out Zachary was better. He had a whole spacer's economy of not-discussing, built over a lifetime of small shared spaces, now, he deployed it with a courtesy so total it was almost unbearable. He gave her the cabin in the mornings and took it in the evenings. He learned the exact orbit of her elbows and created a personal Lagrange point, free of her effect. When they slept he tethered himself a careful full arm's length away, which in freefall was a real distance, deliberate one, and Mae lay awake in the dark on the far end of it torn at being grateful or insulted.

She decided on grateful. It was easier to file.

So the days went by, and they were polite. God, they were polite.

“Morning." “Morning." “Coffee?" “Yes, thank you."

Zachary went down to his holds and chased whatever was still a crate light, Mae put on Mrs. Ashford, radiant, attentive, filing everyone she met, and at least twice a day she was stopped by the light draining out of the ballroom by design, the way he had looked at her... Each time she put the thought in a quarantine locker and stowed it somewhere it wouldn't shift.

She was getting good at that. She had a great deal of practice, lately, at stowing things.

The boy refused to make it any easier. Penn had come out of the Ball, white and shaking, and lost himself in his cabin. Surfacing days later, he was quieter, more careful than before. Once, passing her in the concourse, he had almost said something. Almost. She watched him decide against it, knowing the look. Fair enough, she wore it herself daily of late.

He knew, she thought. Somehow the boy knew that she had put herself between him and the countess. Between his charade and his exposure. As if he couldn't work out why a stranger would do that, which, fair enough, if she was honest, she couldn’t answer herself.

§

Gator's table met on the fifth night, the lowest point of any crossing. It was when the novelty of doing nothing wore off and the jump out was still three days more, and a wise chief engineer knew that a ship gone quiet was a ship gone strange. So on the fifth night (sometimes, with a bad star, there were two fifth nights), Prakash Iyer ran cards in the number-two hold, and the ship came.

Zachary got there early. It was his hold, held among the cargo, in the one place aboard that felt to him like the inside of his own skull. The nets were slung back. Someone had rigged a felt board to a stanchion and clipped a ring of loops around its edge to hold the cards, because a hand of cards in freefall was enevitably something pulled out of the air scrubbers. Gator floated at the head of it with a bulb of the terrible engine-room coffee and the good deck of cards, the real ones, the plastic-coat ones that had been round the loop more times than anybody at the table. Only savages played with vidcards, after all.

"There he is, the husband!"

"Don't,” Zachary, who was enjoying a place that didn’t fight him for once, bristled.

"Zac." Gator wheedled, his voice warm. "Zac, my heart. Sit. Ante's a favor, a secret, or something off the manifest that won't be missed. House don't take coin. Coin's boring."

Zachary anted a bag of real coffee, which he had been holding against exactly this, and clipped himself into a loop, and for the first while it was only the crew, and it was good. Deng from the Guards drifted in and lost four hands in a row with total serenity, paying off her losses with whispered secrets that made the crews eyes widen, then blush madly. Two of the black-gang came off watch and joined smelling of ozone. Somebody's off-duty steward brought contraband from the passenger galley, actual butter, and it went into the pot and raised the stakes considerably. They played a spacer's game, fast and merciless and full of a shorthand Zachary had grown up inside, and the weight that had sat on him for days was gone. He was home, and home didn’t have weight.

Then Mae arrived in his world as he arrived in hers. Awkwardly.

She came down the spine badly. Better than the first time, but badly. Misjudging the last handhold, she came into the hold a half-rotation off and had to grab a net to stop herself, and did it with a bright unbothered smile that fooled nobody. Everyone in that hold had seen everyone else learn the black, so they gave her the quiet you give a person doing a hard thing in front of you on purpose.

Except the Guard Leftenant, who cheered.

"Missus Ashford," Deng called, delighted. "Come to collect him?"

"Come to lose," said Mae, and, careful and game, pulled herself to the board hand over hand, clipping into the loop beside Zachary. It was the only open one, nothing special. She certainly saw no need to look at him, and he found no cause to look at her. Gator watched both of them not-look at each other with the professional interest of a man reading a set of balky gauges.

"Ante," said Gator.

Mae anted a secret. She murmured it in his ear, and whatever it was made the chief laugh so hard he lost his grip on his coffee and had to chase the bulb down past three players while the hold howled. Zachary didn't overhear the whisper, but found he wanted to hear the secret more than he had wanted anything in some time. He filed that, in his own way, in his own hold, where it would not be missed.

She was terrible at the game and wonderful at the table. She couldn't read the cards to save her life, but she read the room like it owed her money, and inside of half an hour she had the black-gang telling her about their kids, Deng teaching her the shorthand, and the steward feeding her the good butter off a knife. She was losing, gleefully, steadily, hand after hand, and she was the warmest thing in the hold, a bright, cheerful, sun that everyone present had tilted a few degrees towards without ever noticing.

Zachary noticed. He noticed the way she made a crowded place feel like a small one. He had watched her do it up on the passenger decks to people who mattered, dukes and heiresses, and he had thought it was the job. It wasn't. Down here, it bought her nothing. It was just… her. She couldn't stop doing it any more than he could stop feeling where a hold rode wrong. It was the shape of her..

He was in a good deal of trouble, and he knew it, and he anted another secret he did not tell.

One secret did come out around the ninth hand, and it came out the way these things do, sideways, from the youngest and stupidest mouth at the table.

"Chief," said the young trooper, the one who had gone red at the hub, "what's the line now? On the—" He stopped. He had felt the ice come into the hold a half-second too late. "On the," he said again, weakly, and looked at his cards vainly as though they might rescue him.

They did not.

"On the what," said Mae, pleasantly. Calmly.

On her native Memphis, in the rainbow sands of the great Central Desert(Not every name is grand, be kind, It was named by Baptists.), there was a predator — and apex predator in truth, called a Sanddiver. They would freeze, going absolutely still, 2 meters of corded muscle and shimmering cat-lizard, just before they dived into the sand and took whatever creature had attracted their attention.

Mae was that level of calm.

Silence ruled the number-two hold, the sail drank starlight somewhere a kilometer and a half away, and the slow whirl of the air scrubbers almost covered the sound of the oh so young trooper’s heartbeat.

Gator dealt a card with great care.

"There's a pool," Gator admitted, because you just didn't lie to a lady at your own table, "on the two of you."

"On the marriage," said Mae. Still pleasant. Quite calm. Her face seemed to contain far more angles than normal, suddenly.

"On when it stops being one thing, and starts being the other."

He said it kindly, he way you tell a green hand the burn is going to hurt so they don't flinch and make it worse. "We all know what you are, Missus Ashford. Purser and supercargo, married by the company for a job, all very quiet, none of our business. And it wouldn't be, except you two do your not-looking right in front of the whole below-decks, and a ship on a two-year loop's got to bet on something." He shrugged, the weightless, graceful movement of a man that knew how to emote with Newton ruining the effect. "Captain's holding the book. She's got you at even money by Terra and long odds you both go home pretending. I took the even money. No offense."

Zachary stared at the table. He was aware of Mae, a loop away, gone very still, and he was aware that the entire hold had stopped breathing. He was most certainly aware, quite aware, that everyone here had watched the moment he had spent three days pretending had not happened at the New Avalon Ball. They had all seen it, put money on it, because it had been obvious to everyone in the universe except possibly the two people it was happening to.

He waited for Mae to be furious. This will go so much easier if she is furious...

And the she laughed.

It came out of her the way it had in the spine after couple-time, helpless, undignified, entirely real, and the terrible tense moment shattered, with the young trooper sagging with relief, and Deng started laughing too, the black-gang joining in.

Gator sat there, in the middle of it, smiling not because of the laughter, but at the look in Zachary’s eyes when he realized that this, maybe, possibly, might not be a disaster.

"Even money by Terra," Mae wheezed. "Chief, that is robbery. You've clearly never watched this man try to make small talk."

"Watched him at the Ball," said Deng, loyally. "Charmed a countess."

"By accident."

"Best way," said Gator.

And Zachary, who had not said a word, felt his fake wife's shoulder come to rest against his in the crowded dark. Not a lean. There was no down to lean in. Just contact, deliberate, an arm's length collapsed to nothing, the exact distance they had both been so carefully keeping for five nights, closed by her, on purpose, in front of everyone.

"Deal me in properly," Mae told Gator. "I want to win my money back off a ship that's betting against our marriage."

"Even money's not against you, Missus Ashford."

"Then deal me in with you," said Mae, "and let's rob them together!"

The hold roared, and someone dealt, and Zachary sat in the warm middle of his own people with the warmest of them pressed to his side. He did not move, did not want to, and understood that he had lost a great deal more than a bag of coffee tonight and could not for the life of him find the part of himself that minded.

§

They went back up the spine together near the middle of the sleep watch, quietly. It was a good quiet this time, not the polite loud kind.

Halfway along, at the hub where the spine opened into the dark well of the passenger decks, Adept Voll was floating near the uplink shack in his grey traveling robes. He was doing nothing, the way he was always doing nothing, precisely, near the one piece of equipment on the ship nobody liked a stranger near. He inclined his head to them as they passed. "Mister Ashford. Missus Ashford. A calm sail."

"And you," said Mae, sunny, and towed herself past, not saying anything until they were two frames on and out of earshot.

"Not in front of ComStar"

Zachary felt the laugh come up out of him before he could stop it, quietly, the second that night, which was two more than he usually managed in a month.

At the cabin she stopped with her hand on the hatch, pausing.

"That pool,"

"I know."

"Even money by Terra." She was not looking at him. She was looking at the hatch. "That's four days."

"Chief runs a tight book," Zachary said. "He wouldn't post odds he didn't believe."

She was quiet for a moment. In the low light, her face was the one he had seen the first night out of Memphis, the professional warmth switched off, something tired and honest underneath. It undid him worse than any amount of the other one.

"We could just keep not discussing it," she said. "We're so good at it."

"We are," he agreed. "It's working beautifully."

That got a ghost of their former laughter, just a breath of it. She opened the hatch. They tethered themselves a careful arm's length apart, the way the they had been, habit becoming armor against… well, let’s not look at that too closely, eh?. The drive drank starlight, the ship hung quiet in the black, and the quiet whir of the air filled the small space.

In the dark, before he slept, Zachary felt the tether go slack. He felt her drift, the long, tidal drift of a body letting go, and this time when a loose curl of her hair arrived across the distance and came to rest against his jaw, he understood that she had not fallen asleep first and drifted by accident.

She had let herself drift. She was awake. And so was he.

Neither of them said a word. They were, after all, extremely good at that.

Chapter 5 — The Cradle

Terra Run C1 · Sol system · jump twenty-eight · ComStar space
Recharge station, Nadir. Excursion to Terra, thirteen days in at half a gee.
Approach vectors, inspection, and holy silence by order of the First Circuit.

The excursion boat to Terra held two hundred souls and burned at half a gee, and Zachary Sorley was aboard it, which surprised no one more than Zachary Sorley.

He had not decided to come. That was the part he kept trying to explain to himself, in the days before. He had simply failed, over and over, to decide not to. Every time, he would picture Mae at a viewport above the oldest world in creation with no one beside her, filing the moment into a crate the way she filed everything, alone in a crowd the way she was always alone in a crowd.

So, on the morning the boats loaded, he came to the lock with a kit bag and a jaw set like a man reporting for surgery. Mae looked at him. She looked at the bag. She didn't say anything clever, which was how he knew she understood, because Mae always had something clever. She stood there, and then she reached out, took the bag off his shoulder, and carried it aboard for him, and that was the whole of the conversation.

The Sol system was the most crowded empty place he had ever seen.

They had jumped in at the Nadir point, nine days out from the planet, and even that far the black was busy. Busier than it had any right to be, not just because the whole Inner Sphere was pouring toward the one world for the wedding of the age. The Prince of the Federated Suns was marrying the heir to the Lyran throne, down on the surface none of them would ever touch. The tentative trade deals, the rumors of changing policies, all the signs everyone had felt for years finally were finally getting sealed the way the mighty always handled these things, with a marriage. Half the hulls in the queue were Lyran and Fed Suns advance agents, reading themselves for an event still over a year away. ComStar recharge stations turned slow against the stars, white, clean, and enormous. Ships floated, sails spread, waiting their turn in a queue managed by voices that came over the comm calm and courteous leaving no room to argue. You did not simply jump into Terra. You filed an intention. You received a vector. You held the half-gee they gave you and not a fraction more, grateful, because the alternative to their courtesy was not discussed.

It was not all wedding traffic, either. Out past the stations, in the deep cold where the Sun was just the brightest of the stars, the Belters were mining their rock the way they had since before there were nations to answer to. His own kind. The oldest of them, the ones who had looked at gravity once and quietly declined it forever. Zachary could feel them out there as the boat swung onto its vector, knowing it steadied him like ballast. For the first time on the whole loop, spacers were not the strangers.

Adept Voll had left them at the station. Zachary had watched him go, grey robes folding into a shuttle that flew ComStar colors, and had felt the whole ship exhale behind him. All those weeks of him hovering by the communications shack, all the jokes, all the not-saying-it. In the end the great dreaded thing had simply gone home, just a man going home with a small bag and a nod, and had turned out to be nobody special at all. That was Terra, Zachary was learning. The boogeyman lived here, and they filed paperwork.

The tones announced thrust was imminent, and the boat lit her drive, the half-gee coming down on him like a slow tide, and he stopped thinking about ComStar and started, in earnest, to suffer.

§

Half a gee is not the same as a planet. He told himself that, the first days, in the voice he used on a hold that would not balance.

Half a gee was just a burn, in a ship, with a floor made on top of the engines and a ceiling that stayed where you left it and no open sky waiting to swallow you if you looked up wrong. There was no horror in it. It was just weight. Just his own body, which had been assembled not considering weight at all, being asked to carry itself day after day after day, thirteen times over, while his spine compacted and his inner ear, which had been right about everything for forty years, filed a singular, continuous complaint.

He was, for thirteen days, quietly and comprehensively wretched, and never said a word.

Mae saw it anyway. Of course she did, reading people was her job, after all, and she read him now with a focus never applied to him in six years of dead orchids. She saw which hours were the worst. She learned that mornings, before he had gathered himself, were where he could barely stand. She took to being somewhere else those first hours so he didn’t have an audience. She learned that he couldn’t eat under thrust, so founds things he could handle. She found the one couch on the whole boat angled right for a body that could not lie flat without its own chest becoming a burden. How she got it for him, by means he suspected involved a purser's smile and somebody else's misfortune, he never asked and she did not supply.

"You dodn’t have to do this," he said, on the fourth day, as she came back from wherever she hid during the bad mornings, holding a bulb of broth and a look of practiced unconcern.

"I know I don't."

"I mean it. This was my choice. You didn't ask me to carry me too."

She sat down beside him, careful in the half-gee, moving easy where a spacer needed caution, grace, and a spotter. For a while she sat. In the observation lounge, a scatter of pilgrims watched the black. Near the far port the boy, Penn, stood by himself, as always, looking out at the nothing that was all there was to see this far out. Nothing but stars, reflected faces, and the slow-growing coal of the Sun.

"When I work the Ship," Mae said finally, not looking at him, “when I work a room, I give everybody the same thing. The exact same thing. I make each one feel like they’re the most important person aboard, and not a one of them ever notices that I'm doing it to all of them."

“That's the trick — you spread your attention, your focus, thin enough that nobody can tell it isn't just for them."

She turned the broth bulb slowly in her hands. "I've done it so long I forget I’m doing it. I give everybody a little and nobody the rest, I call it charm… go home alone every loop and never once wonder why."

She looked at him then.

"You took on a month of hell for me," she said. "That's not an act, or just a little bit, Zachary. That’s…"

What had burst from her on Solaris, the realization she had had in front of those forty thasand screaming fans, was nothing to what she felt, sitting here, feeling the warmth of him.

“… Everything. I've never once been someone who gets that." A breath. "So let me carry the damn broth. I'm trying to learn the trade."

He was learning from her, the value of not reaching for words when simply staying was enough. So he took the broth, and their hands crossed over the bulb longer than the handoff needed. Neither of them moved, the drive pushed toward the oldest world in the universe at exactly half of one gravity. It was, he understood now, the precise and only weight at which the two of them could sit together and both bear it.

§

Terra came up out of the dark on the thirteenth day, the drive cut, and suddenly, blessedly, he was free.

Zachary felt it leave his body like a held breath, thirteen days lifting off him in an instant, as he floated up off the good couch whole and himself again. For a moment the relief was so total it eclipsed even the view.

Then he looked, and there was nothing but the view.

He had known it would be blue.

Everyone knew it would be blue.

You grew up anywhere, on a hundred worlds or on a hull strung between them, and every last one of them told you the first sky was blue, you nodded, and you didn't know what the meant it until it was hanging there, spinning, in front of you. Most of it water. Actual water, oceans deep enough to drown every port he had ever crossed and keep room to spare, wrapped in a skin of clouds so thin white it looked like someone breathed onto glass. Seven brown-green landmasses. Luna, her shining silver standing off at a respectful distance, keeping her own ancient watch. And where the day gave way, the night side coming round, and it was not dark. It was strung with light, six billion souls' worth of celebration, cities and roads and the long luminous seams of coastlines, a whole one half sphere of small warm human fires burning in the black just like Prometheus had them.

Gods were born here.

The whole lounge had gone silent. Two hundred people who had crossed the Inner Sphere for this, and not one of them spoke.

Zachary, born in the black and made for it, had never in his life wanted a planet. He had endured thirteen days of one half gravity to get here, suffering and cursing the very thought of traveling to see a ball of dirt with good PR.

He looked at the cradle of everything that was and felt his throat close. He understood, floating here, why the belters did not come here. It wasn’t the strain of the trip — they could, as desired, take their time in traveling. It was the shining apple just out of reach, the selkie below the water. It was beautiful, it was calling to him, and if he answered, he would die, gasping, his heart too weak to sustain him, his bones too light to hold him.

"There she is," Mae said, very quietly, beside him. Just to him. "Every journey any human ever took. It all starts there."

"I didn't think it would..." he started, and stopped, because his voice wasn't working right. She waited, she gave him the time, the way he had once given her the time at a hatch with her hand on the latch. “...I didn't think it would look like home," he said. "I don't have a home, not like that. We've got ships, we have each other. But I look at that and something in me knows the word and I never learned it anywhere."

"That's what it is," Mae said. “It’s why we came. It's what everybody's homesick for whether they know it or not."

They hung there side by side, floating exactly as they had hung above a ballroom, this time in a dance just for each other. The two of them and the blue world and the hope that had been growing between them since Symsonia, out in the open now, impossible to stow.

§

Mae watched Zachary float there, absorbing the blue world neither of them would ever step foot on. She had spent the whole way here learning to read this man, so she read him now: the working of his throat, the shine in his eyes, the way the cradle of the whole human race had reached up and handed a spacer the one word he was never expected to be given.

She loved him so plainly in that moment, and so hopelessly, that she had to look away to bear it.

When she looked away, she found the boy.

Penn stood at the far port with tears standing in his eyes and running nowhere in the weightlessness, just gathering like grief and wonder both pool when there's no down to pull them off your face. He was looking past where everyone else was focused, cross a border and towards a person waiting on the far side of the thaw, and Mae understood him. He was homesick, as, God help her, was she, and hers was floating a hand's width away and couldn't follow her down to a single one of the worlds she loved.

"Zachary," she said.

"I know," he said.

They were still, both of them, so careful, so frightened, standing on the very edge of oldest world, the oldest feeling, in the universe turning under them, with every reason to step off and no idea at all of how to survive the landing.

They did not step off. Not there. Not yet.

Mae reached out, in the weightless quiet, taking his hand, the whole of it, the way a person hold on to what they mean to keep. He held on, above the blue and burning cradle of the human race, the two of them stayed exactly like that for a long time, saying nothing, having said, at last, almost everything.

Off past the curve of the blue world the grey moon hung, and Mae found herself looking at it instead. Somebody lived up there. She knew it the way you know a fact from school without ever once feeling it. A domed city called Tycho, whole generations who had made a life at a sixth of a gravity, light enough that spacers would visit and planet bound could fly like birds, in the great open galleys. Somewhere they had passed Mars, a million souls at a third of a gee, thin cold air and old canals and a sky you could — very nearly — breathe.

Not the bright worlds she loved. Nothing like New Avalon, nothing like the Solaris lights still ahead of them. Low, strange, frontier places. A sixth of a gravity, a third. But worlds. Ground. Home. Somewhere a body could stand, and build on.

She had spent too much time believing the math was cruel and simple. She belonged to the worlds and he belonged to the black, and they could meet only in the narrow weightless middle, a place they did not control or own or could make stay where they wanted.

It wasn't a plan, barely even a thought. But it was the first time in her very carefully arranged career that a world had looked to Mae like something other that a waypoint.

Behind them a ComStar shuttle slid by the viewport on its patient rounds, white and silent and utterly incurious, and did not so much as glance at the two of them at the window. There were no spies at the window. There never had been.

The boat would turn in a day and burn them home. Thirteen more days at half a gee, and he would suffer every hour of them, she knew, and she understood that he would not trade a single one.

But not yet.

For now, there was the window, and the blue, and her hand in his, and the long light of home burning up at them from a world that neither of them would ever set foot on, and that neither of them, they discovered, needed to.

— More to Come... —